Talk by Swami Rudrananda (Rudi) on January 9, 1973

We’re talking about the potential direction of our Ashram, which is really just coming to a point where you can in a sense put sales on it. Or in anyway see direction. We have been waiting a long long time for that and even as such it really doesn’t require that because it requires only the energy of the content of it not the manifestation. I’m not in anyway interested in having an outer form or an outer characteristic or an outer manner.

The energy is really a feeding and one should then be free of form.


Greg teaches in a very definite Japanese form and it comes out through him. John teaches and it’s different. The energy comes through different channels and it come out differently. It’s not a contradiction because it really allows for a tremendous nourishment.

There are people that will come and they’ll say “Gee Rudi I really love you very much but I was in John’s class and I got something or I was in Greg’s class ….” and I really understand.

A diamond reflects light by the way it’s cut and God has cut everyone of us individually so to try to stylize or to crystallize people to reflect a certain pattern of energy of a certain way of (–tape dropout). because I would give you the way I can give and it doesn’t mean that John would give you more or Greg would give a you more or less. They will give you differently.

And the whole reason for us to teach you is for you to grow, not force to find a way of stylizing and limiting you, but each person can give you something else. Maybe Greg represents Vitamin C and John Vitamin B, and maybe Greg represents Vitamin C and John Vitamin B and me Vitamin X.

Swami Rudrananda Portrait
Swami Rudrananda Portrait

It’s really giving the nourishment that really will reach you or somebody else will explain the exercise and you will find an insight because of the way they have been cut or the way they are as an instrument for the force. So that it really isn’t a contradiction. It’s an expansion in every single way of the same force. It comes out in a different way. It comes out in a different pattern. It comes out in a different energy: some lighter, some heavier, some deeper, some in a sense more superficial. But there are times for light rain, and there are times for heavy rain, and there are times for snow and there are times for all of these different aspects of the same thing.

We have to be in ourselves very easy and very secure and realize that you take in a teaching, and in a receiving, only what you can absorb. And thinking and getting yourself involved in your head is just your game. But just taking it in and letting it be absorbed …, And what you don’t want will pass out of your body.

So when you get involved in your head with a lot of thinking, it isn’t what the person said is a contradiction, it is just that you are looking to play that kind of a game.

You should come out of a class or lecture and remember nothing, actually nothing. It should have passed through you. And a week later suddenly you will be in a situation and suddenly this voice will say something or this line of thinking will come and you will understand that way. Because what it has to do with is to be in a sense computerized where all of this wealth keeps going in, keeps going in, keeps going in, and your system becomes free to flow. And in the flowing and in the freedom of the flow and the mass of energy and material you will find your answers. Not by the restriction of being, you know a, b, c, d…, that’s all shit in the head. You have limited yourself completely.

People will come and talk and more people will come.

We will bring more people to the house and to Big Indian and to every other place. You will be able to gather masses and masses of information. And these things are always to be encompassed. Not to in anyway contradict, but to really go inside and to become part of this whole mass of consciousness, this whole mass of flow in you.

Your whole reason for working is to just expand and allow this flow to take place. Your mechanism is this kind of great cosmic computer taking in energy from the atmosphere, from people and from everything, without restriction.

It is assimilated as it is needed and it has not to do with your will.

It has to do with God’s Will or this creative Will, which will only encompass what is natural to itself. I mean in science the whole principle of putting in plastic in a human being is understood today to a great degree and the body rejects anything foreign unto itself. The mind is a piece of shit and it will hold onto everything. When you take in without the mind to hold and grab and to make all of these fighting things:.. When you start setting up tensions because you are building up a structure. It’s a conscience structure, not an unconscious structure because you are allowing yourself to fight. You are allowing yourself to agree, to disagree, to think, and to try to analyze. And you do not have to analyze anything, you must take in, take in, take in, and what will not hold will pass out of you. You will never have to be responsible for that, it will take care of itself, because you are working for a state of being not a state of Rudi, or a state of John or a state of Greg or a state of anyone else. And you free yourself that way, by this very simple thing of taking in and surrendering… So that you automatically absorb, what is needed. And what is not needed will fall out completely.

Energy In Yoga
Energy In Yoga

Your idea of what you think or what you don’t think, who cares about that, I’m not interested in your ideas.

I’m not even interested in my own, so why should I be caught up in you and your thinking or your way of looking? You have a problem, or you really think you see something another way fine, you can express it. And we all can understand from and learn from your inability to take it in this way. So it adds to the total information. But this should not, this little smirk on the face or this little smile of knowing or this superiority. It is to open and expand and surrender and to increase the flow. And this is only what counts. It’s only what matters.

It is because what crystallizes a man is a lack of flow. You take in this volume and it washes through.

This energy comes in and washes through, and washes out all of the imperfections and impurities. So you don’t crystallize. The thing that limits a person in growing is his mind, that sorts and begins to attack the material that comes through. And he can’t absorb because there is so much tension built up, that eventually the mind crystallizes. But if you increase the volume and the depth and the flow, then it all washes through and it purifies itself. It is like a great sewer that is washing through and taking out all the imperfections.

You don’t know right from wrong anyway.

You let it take care of itself. It’s made to take care of itself, this extraordinary thing. You know the saying “the mind is the slayer of the soul,” that’s if it factions as a thinking and operable thing but if it is surrendered it can take in any amount of material. This thing will never get stuck, because it does not have any parts that move only parts that expand and expand and expand. It doesn’t have thinking things, and adjustment things, and this thing… Or you remove all kind of mechanisms from it, because the thing that stops it are the things you are born into, your religion, your background, your family, all your prejudices and limitations so when you remove all of this, you remove the bones from this mechanism and the mechanism can come in a very pure way.

Because you see, what eventually kills people is this thing that they go here and somebody say this and they go there and, somebody else says something else. You have lines going across and lines going up and down and you begin to make a fabric. And this fabric is not mesh and everything will get caught in it and before you know it when you have no flow.

Swami Rudrananda
Swami Rudrananda

It doesn’t matter what somebody says. It only matters whether you can digest it of not …

If you can digest it, you can absorb it, and take out of it content. And we are working for that. We are really not trying to become an authority on me or me to be an authority on you, but we are here to grow and to really die and transcend ourselves over and over and over again. But the need to have that kind of situation in your own mind of right of understanding things.

“I know that, I know this, I know that…” This is only the state of ego. If you really know anything you should know that it will change and change and change and change and change. And if you can surrender inside yourself the need to know, the need to have this kind of sick security that thinks it knows, that you have the one principle which is essential for spiritual work, and ordinary life: This cycling of death and rebirth and death and rebirth. That everything can come into you and be fresh and you can live off this energy and material…

The whole system is really very much like a plant that is sitting in the ground, and it rains and this thing reaches up and absorbs the water; new roots go out, and grow and spread. Its a very casual, a very natural thing, you don’t find a plant screaming and jumping up and down in anyway and disturbing its potential. It really manifests its potential by assimilating whatever energy, whatever nourishment is put to it, and it grows. And you in your own mind have to understand that. Your sitting here has to do with assimilating, by taking your nourishment and growing. . And if you are not breathing and having your attention inside and feeling these muscles moving and absorbing and digesting as a conscious thing, then nothing is taking place.

Because it’s 1ike sitting in water and this thing will stay on the bottom.

It’s not going up and circulating, so this energy that you are being given, the information that you are being given, just lays there and will rot you out. Because it will lay at your feet, it will just lay there and eventually you will get gangrene.

You have to really take and absorb, and really feel this thing expanding in you, feel the energy coming down from the mind through all the charkas, through your sex organs and moving up your spinal column. It’s very, very essential. Otherwise, you are sitting and listening and you are agreeing and disagreeing and you are going through a whole number and this is not what it is all about. It’s that you really inside feel the flow of your energy coming down then feel it at the base of the spine and feel it go up and you are absorbing.

And as you grow, and as you really keep growing up and up, you will transcend yourself and all of the things you are concerned about. All of your problems will be drawn into you by this root system as a tree grows, and it will go up and up and all the problems that you think you have, or that your are born into will disappear because they will be absorbed as energy. Your being concerned about anything has to do again with your mind. You haven’t learned to live quietly in your head and be grateful for those problems, because all these problems that we have represent all of our natural resources. This is what you are given to break down and make into fertilizer.

I mean a really good human being would never study spiritual work because there is no material for him to break down. Studying and growing have to do with the breaking down and changing over of energy from one level to another. And someone who is really a nice person would never have a spiritual life because they were born without this chemistry, without this changing ability of breaking down and transmitting one energy into another. When you find someone who you talk with and you start taking about your ‘ spiritual thing,” in a sense it’s ridiculous because it’s not their reality, It’s not their potential.

How can you open a cotton mill unless you have cotton to put through these different carding processes?

You have to have a raw material to have a factory. And a spiritual life is also having a factory. You have to have tons and tons of shit to burn and break down and package. And then you finish packaging them and you start all over again, and bringing what you finished packaging to the front and put it back into the machine again, and tear it apart, because you’re refining the same energy endlessly. And this is really the whole principle. You never run out of material because you can always take what you refine. This raw material is your product. You take a product and it goes back again and becomes a raw material.

The very nature of life is that things change, and the very nature of change is that the whole principle in our existence is that nothing that is on the market for more than six months is a usable product. And you can look at it from a disinfectant to any kind of a thing; to penicillin or anything else the body can counteract any kind of positive change in a very short time.

People who are growing and really have achieved, as they stop growing, they become more than antiques, they become dead because the force within them is not transmittable in a living way. Either you are growing which is that you are in refining your energy and you have a vital living flow in you, or you are walking around as something that should be put in a case in a museum. You cannot give life unless you are taking in more material and breaking down and refining.

Somebody who is brilliant even as a physicist in two years the whole principle of physics changes, the whole principle of biology changes. They are continually finding new laws and it really destroys the whole system. Spirituality is no different than anything else in that sense. What we found today will make everything that existed until today ridiculous. So trying to think that you are going to retire in a year or five years and be realized is a lot of crap. It doesn’t work that way. You either are growing, being broken down and recycled all the time, or you will never have a spiritual life. You become some kind of a spiritual egomaniac who will inflict on other people their limitations.

The wonderful thing about spirituality is that it will continually use the same energy with what is coming in and make a new vitality.

So your life can be exciting. It can really be brilliant. Who wants to sit on the same egg endlessly and feel secure? It is a very sick and a very limited thing. But you can open and feel the difference in the atmosphere really, in a very real sense. It is like going to a garden and smelling a rose, and smelling a daisy and smelling a geranium. They are a different smells. They are different textures, and the energy that comes in a different way all the time.

You have to really feel that when you wake up in the morning.

You lie there. You feel the day. You open. You open yourself, and you’re trying to feel the energy. Feel what is coming into the atmosphere. Turn into it. Lie there for a minute and say, “I have a new day and where am I? How am I?” And you could have gone to sleep happy with a wonderful day and wake up like a moron; or you can wake up like a tiger that has a harpoon in his side. You are not the person that went to sleep, because over the six or eight hours of sleeping all the things, which have come into the atmosphere, have changed.

And feeling this consistent “loveliness” like some people try to do, walk around snapping their fingers singing Hari Krishna, that has reduced them to the level of a cow, where every day they wake up and they have put themselves into a state of “consistent spirituality,” Which is a lot of crap. There is no such thing. You are dealing with someone who has hypnotized himself, -because the energy coming into the atmosphere is a continually changing energy. And if you want to reach a level, which is constant, then you become a cow or a dog or some other animal. You always feel that. But we are not here to always like anything else. We should be in every sense the reflection of the changing energy that comes in and the changing drama that in about to be played on our life …

We will see things differently.

That we are not crystallized as a person, that we’re not limited and need to be limited so we can see things that way, where I say “oh no he’s not, a bastard”, the person is a bastard! What do you have to do, go into yourself and say “Oh no he is really a spirit of God” … If a guy is a bastard, he is a bastard! Why do you have to live inside yourself, and paint him white and paint everyone else white because you want to feel you’re living in a world that is white or pink or anything else? It’s ridiculous … I mean and ordinary animal can smell its enemy from five hundred feet. A human being should feel what is dangerous, what is real, what you can encompass, what you should open to, and what you are opening to.

Everything is not the same and this needs to reduce your mind to a cow’s mind where everything is sweet and wonderful, where everyone is beautiful, is not true. If you go to this person who’s handing out a leaflet and he is saying they are the disciples of this enlightened being, and if you say something against him, you’ll feel violence that you couldn’t believe could occur even in a hydrogen bomb. Because they have completely subjugated themselves to somebody else’s mind and somebody else’s will.

It’s unreal.

You have to be free, and if someone says something about me, it might be true, but it has nothing to do with what I teach and how I teach. And you don’t have to look for perfection in me. I don’t in anyway try to show that perfection, because I’m not concerned with being perfect. I want to acknowledge my own imperfection and not inflict it onto anyone unnecessarily, but to understand that it’s part of the endlessness of my own growth. When I need to be perfect in fifteen years I’ll be perfect. But it’s absolutely useless at this stage in life with all the shit that you all have piled up in the corner and the closets and the warehouses to walk around and try to kid yourself about your perfection. Because we grow out of this raw material that we break down, and absorb the energy of and this is what we are really doing.

We’re working ourselves from inside out, like tearing out, destroying and really finding a sense of nothingness. That nothingness allows God to come in. But our sense of something ness, our ego and all of our prejudices and limitations, these things are our raw material. You have to process all of that and refine that and then you can open consciously. Otherwise you can never really come to anything that represents yourself.

And a man who thinks he has a spiritual life is really an idiot, because until you can surrender yourself, to really open and see everything that’ s out in there, you really can never even approach God. So the whole thing of what we’re working for is to see our nothingness a million different ways, then you can surrender you. How can you surrender you, when you don’t even know who you are? When you don’t even have a oneness in you, and the only thing that makes a oneness in you is the ability to see more of yourself as you work everyday to open deeper and really say, fine, I am this. I’m short tempered. I really am aggressive. I really love to make money. I have no feeling for anyone else. I’m all of these things, but they’re connected in me now, and I can really take a breath and things can have control of themselves, that they are one, regardless of what crap is encompassed in that oneness, that they can open and surrender that, is ridiculous.

Until you are really conscious of that oneness and are conscious of that oneness and are conscious of all your limitations, you cannot go and have a real spiritual exercise. You can’t open what is not yours to open. So your image of yourself, your ego, this thing that protects you, is the thing that keeps you from having a real spiritual exercise. Because you have never seen it, never admitted to it; you really can’t give away something you don’t have. And unless you have control, this thing can never be surrendered.

I kidded Jerry once with his “mind control.” I said, “you have to have a mind before you can control it.”

And people will go and study a thing like “mind control” or any other exercise and they are building on top of what they have, but they don’t have control of this thing beneath it. What they’re doing is building on top of this chair, something else. You have to have destroyed the chair. You have to have complete capacity to open every molecule in the chair and really surrender it. So building something on top of what you are does not make you a free person, it makes you a pile of shit with one inch of snow. You can control the snow. You can even melt the snow, but underneath it is this mountain of yourself. And you have to be able to dig through the middle of the mountain, split it in the middle and open it up. Then you have what you can call a mind that is open. You can really feel this mountain cut right from the top to the very bottom and open. And this is really what you have to do with yourself. And until you can really open you, like you cut an apple in half. And until you can feel that, until you can feel every muscle in your body open, and your heart, not on the surface, not where you go deeper and deeper inside and you feel, you say, “I wish to surrender.” You see this energy going inside the heart, inside, and you open like you split open an apple, not to feel the skin of the apple quiver, not to the surface of your tensions working.

Most spiritual work, most everything else, has to do with surface tensions.

It does not have to do with an inner being because people do not get into their inner being. They build off the surface. They add to the tensions, like stroking a pussycat. You stroke the surface and you align certain things on the surface, but you have gotten to the inside. To get to the inside, to surrender, is to ask deep, and deeper and deeper and say, “Hey look, I’m not here to protect myself, I really wish to surrender.” And you go inside like a man diving into a pool from a hundred feet. You cut right through and you touch the bottom and you keep asking in your heart every day, as you work, that you make a deeper commitment and you feel yourself opening deeper. So that you are not on the same little surface, having a little game. Either you are working deeper and deeper in yourself or you are on the surface, doing a little job.

And this is a really what spirituality is about.

It is the same principle that I’m trying to do with the people who are going to teach or who will come here or you will see when you go up to the country, or people coming from other ashrams. Because they are growing from within their own being and what they liberate is an essential chemistry for their growth and within that there will be something for you. When you sit there and you open to them in a class, they represent me and they represent God and they represent the most of what they can do. And you give them 100% of your attention, and you take in everything you can possibly take in.

Technique, outer flow, none of this matters.

You really are absorbing what is an essential chemistry for you. And you obviously will have to find from them something very remarkable because they are a different instrument that I am. I’ve gotten from them. I’ve learned from them myself and if I can learn from them, there certainly is a great deal you can learn from them too. Otherwise, you’re making out of me something that will crystallize you. But having eventually 50 people who will teach, this whole rotation the thing will oven you to many different things and you won’t have a tendency to make something out of me which will become a limitation for you.

Nobody, nobody should be that.

It really is a question of not crystallizing, not having a structure. Tune in on this or tune in on that but to tune in on this whole circle, spectrum of energy. It is really for you if you find a problem with one of them, you ask; you really ask inside. You say “look I don’t understand,” and you make the person talk. And not only will it benefit you, it will benefit them and everyone else. I mean to sit like a jackass and not question hasn’t to do with wanting to learn, it has to do with building a personality. You’re not here to build personality.

Does anyone have a question about what I have covered?

Q. When you wake up in the morning and tune into the day, you’ve spoken to me about it before and maybe what I was trying to do was to feel a better part of the day and I’m really not very clear about “tuning into the day.” Well, you lie there in bed eyes closed and you feel inside and you see if you can feel inside.

Firstly, you may not be able to feel anything.

You take a breath and you really feel what this beast is doing, whether there is something that can open up to have a spiritual life or this thing is screaming @#$%. You woke up with all these things that you are going to use in the day and the minute you wake up they’re going underground. You woke up. You already woke up with a bitch about this, and a complaint about that, and by the time you have finished shaving and brushing your teeth you came down and “Hi honey,” and you take a knife and “Bang,” right across the side of her head, because you’ve let this go underneath. But if you wake up and you lie there for a few minutes you get to feel all of these things. And I can hear myself @#$% what has this been doing, this and that? You say “look, don’t carry that, this is yesterday.” Don’t carry that day into today. Don’t start your day off with all the reasons your finding all of the complaints and all of the fights. You’re building your armor. This is how you are going to fight. You’re going off armed with that for the day, not in a state of surrender.

There is no surrender involved in that.

It has to do with suppression. You’re allowing all the things that are coming onto the surface to go underground and you’re going to wake up and your going to get to them during the day but they are all going to come out, as aggressive things against other people. But if you lie there and you begin to feel all the little complaints and stuff, and you are going to say, “Look, this is ridiculous, I’ve only just begun the day. If I begin like this, what is my day going to be?” And you begin to break them, you open and you surrender those things consciously. If it does come up you can say, “Here I am bringing up six o’clock in the morning. All these things are looking for a fight, do you understand? Or you lie and there suddenly you feel “My God it’s a beautiful day, it’s a really wonderful day, and I feel great.” You have all these good feelings inside.

You can expand and expand and expand and while you are brushing your teeth, while you are washing, while you take a shower; you are really washing and expanding and feeling this thing. You can destroy whatever negative tensions are there by consciously breaking them down or if you have a positive feeling, you are opening. You are expanding whatever energy is there, and using whatever energy is there in the most wonderful way possible, the direction your day is going to go.

There are days I wake up, and I hear “cling, cling” and I know this is going to be a very good business day, or I know that there are tremendous things left over from my sleep that has happened in my sleep, and I can absorb and digest that and expand that so the whole reason in the morning of tuning in is to expand whatever energy is going in a right direction and to surrender and break and destroy the things that are trying to catch you. You start the day with consciousness.

You begin your day with some sense of who you are and what you want, so that somebody saying something that rubs you the wrong way doesn’t become a reason for taking it out and expressing the anger that was in you. If they say something, which is terrible, and you wake up feeling wonderful you can really say. ” I’m above that.”

You can give them a kiss and a hug and you can turn them around.

You really use the beginning of your day as a conscious way of using your energy in a manipulative way. You can take your energy and begin to move it. You begin to have a sense of form, a sense of direction, and a sense of reason. It works for you. You don’t wake up and this madness isn’t in you that you inflict on everyone else. The madness is there, and the eggs are up instead of under. You look at them and you think “Boy, this is really trying to get me; these eggs are there.

They are really trying to reach out and make me fight and it really is going in that direction. You reverse the direction. It’s really learning to use energy in a very simple way, with consciousness. You can use energy as a tool. And then the phone rings and somebody stole your car. Well, this is the day that somebody steals my car.” Is it going to happen on a day I’m feeling wonderful?

You begin in your own mind to share and form and move these forces.

The day that somebody calls in with a complaint is the same day six people call me with a complaint. These things build. They are really like darts going in a direction. You can look at it. You are above it. “Boy, this is wonderful. Look, down there is all of that. It has nothing to do with you, because you have made your day consciously above that. Or if it’s a fantastic day you have made it consciously into that. So that anything, which would seem to be a day of tension, becomes a day where you’re ready to add to, you have already transcended it. Or a day that is very beautiful, you encompass everything in that beauty and expand into that. You begin to see the direction, the pattern of energy.

This is a very important thing.

You know that if things are going and it is a very very bad day that your mother is going to call, that her boyfriend fell and broke a foot, or this happened, or somebody is not going to return your machinery. You have to be prepared yourself. You can see the direction the day is taking, so that it is a direction that these things are there to test you. It’s not the day for you to be tested and lose. It’s a day for you to be above. When the situations come you are above them.

Of course at the end of the day, you will probably pass out and go to sleep, you’re exhausted, but not crushed by it, but above it. It is the principle of transcending energy. You learn how to work above the energy, not just meeting it and getting caught by it. You understand? I had yesterday a really wonderful day and I saw a book that was supposed to have been a great book, a gold mine, but you know, I could see by what wasn’t in the book…things that it said, you know, that it was shit. Well, sure it’s shit but why is it shit? It’s shit because I think I know more than what the book says.

Well, if you think you know more than what it says, bring that knowledge to the surface. I sat with what I’d found was a lesser quantity and I tried to find in myself a greater quantity. Not just to deride the book, or a to attack it. It shouldn’t be a thing that produces nothing; it should produce something. Fine, if you don’t agree with this and this then what do you see? How do you see it? And it is really what a debate is about. A debate is having an argument on one side, which is completely contrary to what you feel on the other side. This force brings out an intelligence here.

So that when you get two brilliant people debating they, become more brilliant.

When you find something that doesn’t agree with you then try to start in yourself the other side of the argument or what you think is the more intelligent thing. And you begin to free this flow of consciousness in yourself. If I don’t see that there something, which is brilliant, then where, is it? It exists, because if I can say, ” I don’t understand why this can be so stupid; why is it explained in such a stupid way?” It means that I must have, in myself, something, which understands.

This lack of information should bring out a higher level. If you transcend the information, it means that it exists for you. . Right? If somebody says, “Beau, I don’t think you understand electronics,” you say, “What do you mean, I don’t understand electronics?” I spent my whole life… And you start talking, and you will tell them things which you really don’t know and which you haven’t really put together. As you talk, they will stimulate you a into bringing forth a lot of information. They will poke you a little here and a little there, what will happen? The conversation will keep rising. Or I’ll say, “Beau you really don’t know anything about a car.” Right? And I don’t know anything about cars at all, so it’s not really a good subject but I’ll try to use it anyway.

I’ll say ” What about this, this, this…”and you’ll say, “No, the transmission, this, this and this…” And then I’ll go on to the next part of a car, the next part of a car. We’ll get deeper and deeper into mechanics, right?

And you really are trying to prove to me something.

We can do the same thing in every situation, where somebody will say something and we disagree with it. Instead of just disagreeing with it, which is making a hole that is taking away a quantity; try to find this corresponding thing through the hole. The thing that is pouring forth in you is information. So that when you read a book and you can’t agree with it, or you think you know more, open yourself to that flow.

Try to hear in yourself, and feel in yourself and understand in yourself what has to exist for you.

If you can read something and disagree with it, that means you have within yourself the information that you are looking for. If this tells you “it’s nothing” then you know you have the something. You understand?

Question: All but sometimes when you are challenged or poked you will say more than you know

Rudi: Yes: Question: Ah, I used to do that a lot when I was a kid but a lot of it was just ego and just bullshit Rudi: It’s flow. Well of course a lot of its ego, if you don’t understand it then it’s ego. But if you can really defend yourself, if you really can, you can bring forth a lot of information that is needed. There is energy rising. Energy rising is taking information from one level to another. You can use it. I’m not saying that you are right, or you are not right, but you can end up right.

Question: I often did and it was a lot of fun

Rudi: Sure, it is a lot of fun. Question: It amuses me and confuses me right now.

Rudi: Sure, but it should amuse you, and it might even confuse you, but if you learn from it and you grow, then you say “Fine in the beginning, I understood, I was right, but fifteen minuses later I learned something.” Right? Then I carried it out and twenty minutes later I learned something else. And a half hour later you will end up here. You may be full of shit for 90% of it but you ended up level on level, on level, on level, above. Then when you are there, when you are fifteen levels above where you started, you can really start to talk. You reinforce the whole thing. You can make this a ladder that you can consciously go up there again. It’s really having the capacity to bring forth information, bring forth energy, and really build yourself from one level to another. You take this thing when you wake up. And you start hearing these voices. You start hearing these arguments. You really start making, inside yourself, this energy flow for a real reason.

Why should you be stuck with a situation?

You understand and you start to build, and you start to build and you build and you build. I have people who come and will start talking and I’m not interested in them. And then I start surrendering and working. And you start building an energy and a flow between you and them, and then somewhere along the line you will connect and that connection is what will exist and you will grow from that connection. We don’t know where to or how to approach it, but the fact is that you’re relating and that you are doing and that if you are working, you will make the connection. And then you forget about this and you forget about that and you make this connection.

You feel this energy coning in this way or coming in that way.

Whether it is coming in negative or positive doesn’t matter. You are using that to build your day consciously. You know the direction of the energy that is coming in. You can work for the day. You work with it the same way you did when you were a kid. You talk with it. You wrestle with it, until you understand it. And then you make a harmonious flow of energy that you can work with. It’s a lot of fun. It’s a great deal of fun. But you are seeing your energy come in a creative way, and moving in a creative and constructive way, a way that really suits your growth and suits your needs.

Who says spiritual work, or any kind of conscious work has to be anything but a lot of fun. It doesn’t have to be that serious, dogged kind of stupid thing. You should really enjoy it. You should really have a sense of drama. You should really have a sense of vitality. You should, more than anything else, have a sense of the endlessness of it. It doesn’t have to be one way. It doesn’t have to be sitting there in a position you saw in a movie picture, it isn’t necessary. You have to really have a sense of vitality. It’s like riding a wave in Hawaii. If the wave comes at an angle, do you always go the same way?

You really carry the flow of energy, and you surf that way.

You know how to jump it, you know how to ride it, and you know how to keep on top of it. This is what spirituality is about. You learn the direction of the energies that are coming into you. You work with it, you study it, and then you go out and you have a great day. Regardless of what is coming in, your day will be great. It will be dramatic. You become one with this flow of energy and you just go boom, boom, boom, and you really make yourself a very good day. It is not sitting there saying, “Oh, what does my astrology chart say? Today isn’t a very good day. I have to lock myself in the closet.

This force is coming in.” It’s ridiculous. It’s the way you ride your day and you must ride it creatively by knowing what you have to work with. And you dress accordingly and you act accordingly. But to try to fight a force that is coming in this direction, because you want to go to right and the force is coming in from the left; you are going to get smashed. And you are going to get pulled into the undertow. You work along with the direction of the energy for that day. And lying there in the morning and feeling it come in, feeling the direction, feeling your attitude, all of these things, what you have to do.

When the eggs come upside down, and you wanted them sunny side up cause today is Thursday, and they leave you eggs sunny side up, and this is the whole principle of your life. It isn’t right. You might as well not have Mimi in the house. What do you need her for anyway? You say, “Here I am crazy today. If I’m willing to put that kind of energy against a pair of eggs, then I really am a nut.” You can then turn the eggs upside down and sit down, and eat them and shut your mouth. You can incorporate that energy; the energy that should have gone out on those eggs was extraordinary!

You sit there and you watch yourself do this drama and because you are a little above it.

You turn the eggs over, you eat them and you expand. Because the energy that would have gone out that way, is coming into you. You have incorporated it into your being, and you walk out like you did the greatest thing in the world, that you didn’t hit someone over the head for turning your eggs the wrong way. Understand? And this is the real way of working spiritually. It is not small, it is very very big. These are not small things. It’s an easy day today, to do business at the store. But today is one thing. I might wake up tomorrow and sit there like a stone rooster because, after all. I can feel the forces. It means you have to work a hundred times harder. You get up there then you work, instead of working down here. You don’t have to limit yourself by what the energy is. It’s how you work it. So one day you’re cutting butter with a hot knife, the next day you are like a stonemason.

You’re on top of a piece of granite, chipping away. And you can chip right through it before you even get where you belong. So you lie there and you begin to feel these things. So that if you wake up and you haven’t been alert enough and you have all of this tension, you just surrender it.

You really say, “Good, I didn’t sleep enough today but I don’t have to leave the tension in my body from not sleeping.”

Question: But in the process of that, you feel you’re not awake.

Answer: Of course you feel it. That is what I mean by going through it. You feel it, you drop it, and you transcend it, immediately. You start dropping it as you wake up. And you say, “Look, it’s a rough day but thank God I’ve had rougher days for less reasons.” And you really drop it and you begin to change immediately. You change and begin to get yourself above where are. We don’t have to live with this energy that way. We take it and make it into something very wonderful.

Question: I got the feeling when you say drop you must be going into your heart. I mean you wake up in the morning and you feel uneasy or you feel tension and you go in …I got a feeling that going in goes through it; then maybe you get above it.

Answer: Well, you feel tension inside, but you relax and you open. And you absorb that tension. You are growing with it. Instead of it pulling you down, you absorb it and you go up with it. It becomes an asset instead of a liability. All of these things are assets. We always take them as liabilities, because we don’t work with it; we come right against it. It’s like somebody coming and pushing your face to a wall. There is no reason to live like that. And what we do is, we make tensions because we don’t know how to live and grow. So we make tensions.

We have energy. We have to spend our energy.

We are, in a sense, born every day with this wealth. We have to spend this wealth but we never think of saving it. It goes out. It goes out. It goes out. But if we work consciously we transcend ourselves and this wealth comes through us and goes to the top of our head. And we grow. We really grow.

Question: The tensions are kind of everywhere, right? Answer: Sure, but you have to absorb them and transcend them not have them pull you down.

Question: But what makes good kinds of energy develop? Answer: Whether you can use it consciously. If you can use it consciously, you learn. If you stand and fight with your mother every day, you’re not going to learn anything. It is only when you can detach from it, and slowly go up that you can begin to learn. It took me 25 years to learn that. I was getting less and less crazy, and less and less tense and I finally saw.

“This is the way my mother operates. She makes those tensions because she can’t express it any other way. And I do not intend to be involved with them, and I don’t have to be involved with them. But a lot of people live making tensions. This is the only way. It’s the only product they have for their energy. There are husbands and wives that spend forty to fifty years fighting. This is the way they express their emotions.

They fight and they fight and they fight. And you can’t even tell them that they are fighting. They don’t even know they are fighting. A lot of the world is like that…I mean go to the United Nations and listen to the shit that goes on there. If they sat down, in fifteen minutes they could say, “Look, we’ll give you a piece of this, and you can have a piece of that…” They are only sitting there buying and selling, buying and selling all day long.

It’s like a stock market, except there are countries involved and powers involved.

It’s the same thing. It’s just another market place. But they can’t express it openly because it isn’t the way people deal in this world. They are saying, “We’ll invade this, unless you give us that.” And everyone knows what they want. But no one will ever let it come to that because these people would be out of a job. They are making tensions and trying to grab this and trying to grab that, it’s ridiculous. It’s another kind of business.

But to transcend it means that these people wouldn’t be able to walk around wearing uniforms. And they wouldn’t have parades and they wouldn’t have this… It’s like children. Little army marching here, and there. And the fact that millions of people are getting killed is completely incidental to the people who do this. They have more identification for the games, big words. It’s unreal. Very unreal. And all these things that you do and that I do are just as unreal. I mean it is just like looking at a field and seeing a bull. You want to walk into that? If you go into the field you have to run for your life, or get gored.

And the same way, you wake up and you feel inside you; this kind of madness but you don’t make a detour; or you don’t use the energy in another way. It’s insane. But nobody does it, absolutely nobody does it. “This is the way I am today” and they accept it. Or people laugh. You did this… very funny.” And they take it lightly.

Their life is washing away.

They are dying inside and they talk about it as if nothing will happen. “Well, everyone else does it,” and they can justify their bad manners, their bad tastes, their ignorance by everyone else’s’ ignorance. And really, the thing is you can have a wonderful life and live beautifully, and dramatically. One doesn’t have to be a beast and one doesn’t have to be an alcoholic, and one doesn’t have to be a nut. There is no reason for excessive anything. You can live and grow and continually grow, and enjoy tremendously this thing in life, and have a spiritual life. It’s not a contradiction, living and spirituality, but it’s become a thing where you cut your hands and feet and nose and every other appendage to have a spiritual life. It’s ridiculous.

The energy that is not used is lost. But to do it consciously.

The whole thing is to do it consciously. And the best way to start is to really start your day that way. Feel what your energy is. Feel the direction you are going in and then use your exercise to consciously go above and go above and go above from the very beginning of the day. So that you’re not going to react if someone puts on the music and they’re playing jazz and they know you love classical music. So it becomes a whole thing where they are deliberately doing this because they are trying to drive you crazy. That’s crazy. No one is trying to drive you crazy.

Maybe they put on the radio and went into the bathroom, and it’s playing just by accident. And you demand a formal three-page letter of apology. “I’ll never see them again.” They go crazy over nothing. You understand? But if you can see your energy for the day and you can see the direction it’s going in; you can really work it much more consciously.

Does anyone else have a question?

Question: Rudi, at times when you’re going through this energy, feeling the level you have within yourself, and you want to keep yourself on the right track, but you are dealing with other people, and for a number of reasons they’re not the least aware of what is happening to you… at times I feel I can rise above something, at other times I feel I’m being dragged down to a level where I have to be defensive. I don’t want to give up and I kind of fight. I’m fighting myself, I think…

Answer: It’s very easy. It’s a very easy thing. You can stop a minute and you can look at them and, you can say, “You know, you were right about that. You can just completely change it and say, “You were right yesterday when you said so and so and so… What do you do then? You take this and you turn it right around.

Question: Some days it works and some days it doesn’t.

Answer: It always works. If you’re big enough to make a concession, you can turn everything. If, something is going this way and this bastard is saying, “I want this… Later you can say, “Jim, I thought about what you said two days ago; it was really brilliant, and you were very right. And the conversation and the energy just goes wump, and it starts going this way. If you are big enough; if you’re big enough to go give someone a compliment, you can take the whole thing and turn it around.

You’re being carried because you haven’t made an effort or the other person’s energy is stronger than yours.. But don’t forget, it is very easy to put your foot out and trip someone or push them down a flight of stairs. It doesn’t take much effort to do that. It isn’t a question of being dramatic; it’s a question of being simple. There are a lot of simple little principles you can do. There is one that is very good I don’t bother to use it, but it works very well. Say you are talking to this person, right, and it’s going like this and like that, right (brings hands together), and you just, very slowly, consciously, move back. You put a chasm between you and them bigger than the Grand Canyon. You really separate the energy. Do you understand? You can do anything consciously. Or say you are talking to someone and during the conversation, you just nut your hand out. And you say, “Yes, I understand what you are saying.” And you are consciously removing your hand, while you are talking to them. You really have to put a moat between you and them, and this is what consciousness is about. You really are moving space, and time, and energy, back. You’re taking back force. And you can do things like that. But they have to be done consciously. And for real reasons.

But the reason it doesn’t work is that you really don’t want to make the effort. “I’m not going to make that effort again,” quote-unquote. And to live you have to do it. To all the people that come and go, I have to apologize. To every bastard that comes in to see me; everyone else you require 15 thousand apologies a year from me. Because it’s always that “Blah blah blah.” But, just to be able to turn it around… I have to, in myself, pull back, I have to surrender, I have to transcend, and I have to everything else.

Do you think anyone else is going to do it?

Who is going to do it? And to have a better life or to be a superior human being is to make more superior sacrifices. Not to demand from other people. What is the principle? Should you apologize to me if I am stronger than you? I should apologize to you, I’m glad to apologize to you, if it saves you energy. But you’re not going to do it. “Who am I,” to apologize to him. I’m not going to wait for him to apologize to me because the life we have isn’t long enough, you understand? But so what? So what, you say, to somebody, something that can turn this thing around. And then you can really feel a flow between yourself and them.

You can say to someone who’s being an absolute horse’s ass about a lot of things, “I really understand and it’s very wonderful. Would you like to have a cup of coffee?” You just break it. Get the cup of coffee and you sit down. And you say, ” You see this vase I just bought.” or something. They’re glad to be let off it, but you can’t kick them in the guts and do it. They also want it to end, do you understand? They also want it to end, but they don’t know how to end it. There are a lot of things in life like this, for many people and situations you’re involved with. It can’t end until it falls apart because this momentum has begun. You have to stop in some way. You say “Look I can’t stand this anymore But this, “We started it, let him take care of it” Well, he can’t take care of it, he’s caught by it.

You pick up the person and you put them on your lap and say, ” I love you and it stops it.” But you also say, “I love my energy, and I love this chance to grow by stopping it too.” Why do we have to do it? It really is the need to win. That is the whole principle behind wars. “We can kill them.” Meanwhile, we lose three million people and they lose four so we win. What kind of winning is it? And everything is that way in life. It’s a basic thing of, “We’re going to win” or “I am better than you,” It’s to the death. “And if I don’t win I die honorably” what kind of honorable death is that? It’s proof that you are stupid because you’ll have to come back and do it all over again. So back you come; you’ll have to again and again and again.

What, with your principle? What kind of principle are those? You’re spending fifty thousand years in the same little rat race going around and around. You go here like a rat, you ring a bell and the food comes out, so you think you’re well trained? It is to break the pattern, not to in any way to sustain it. It has to do with becoming free. You have to become free of this flow of karma, this thing of going out and touching everything… you stop, and you turn it around. You stop the karma from going out this way and you throw it up and it’s a ladder. With the same energy you can climb up this way instead of endlessly going that way. Who cares? The need to be right. Principles, or values. What kind of value? Does anyone else have a question?

Question: It often happens someone confronts me with this type of thing, an invitation to a game, to see who will win. Sometimes I get out of it by making a lightness out of it and letting it go. Is that sensible?

Answer: No, that’s your way of playing the game.

Question: What do you do?

Answer: Well, you have to do it consciously.

Question: Isn’t that conscious? It seems that is conscious.

Answer: That is slipping out of a game, which is a game. You have to do it by growing. You have to feel your own resistance to the way you are doing it. It is easy to go this way, when you just turn it around, it’s also your game. You have to really make it a conscious effort. There has to be resistance in you. There has to be resistance in you.

Question: I know there’s resistance, I see this thing and I say, “I don’t want that. I’ve seen that before and I want to get out of that.

Answer: Well. If you’re doing it that way, then it’s good.

Question: It’s being aware of what’s happening…

Answer: It’s not letting your energy go this way for no reason at all. It’s having a choice. You really don’t waste your energy.