There is a very strange trend going on and it is giving me the creeps. Women have started having sex like men. If there was ever one short at salvaging relationships, then this new trend has just blown it away. With more women earning more money than men today, financial security is becoming less of an issue among these women and many of them are now directing their energies towards more fulfilling physical gratification. I am a worried man, simply because women have defied genetics and are now excelling in something that men always thought they had patented.
It humiliates men
There are few things in this life that compare to the humiliation of discovering that your spouse is having an affair right under your nose. People have been shining the spotlight in one direction for so long, they hardly ever noticed what transpired as they were looking elsewhere. Whosoever thought the equality wars were over had better think again? Today, men of my generation are at the crossroads of sex. Brought up in a society that made them believe they were dominant, they suddenly find themselves inadequately equipped to snarl the prey. In a weird turn of events, the hunter has become the hunted. When the prey comes after you, trust me, you won’t get too far.
Here is what’s happening. Women have realized that they have been sexually exploited for too long and are seething with a vengeance. Two minor complications, however, impede their progress to sexual liberation. One is the availability of viable mates to make this revolution a success and two; the few available men are already taken. Now, you would hope that they would get resourceful and rechannel their energies to issues of nation-building.
But guess what they are doing instead? They have decided to go after a selected few men. With the ratios already tilted at three women to every bloke, the pressure on this select group becomes unrealistic. All of a sudden, it has been decided by some consensus that the responsibility of appeasing the sexual frustrations of legions of supposedly enlightened women will be left to a few men.
I see them everywhere
I don’t know about you guys, but I see these predatory women everywhere I go and they are getting bolder by the day. Only, last month, I had taken a trip out to the ‘boondocks’ hoping to recharge only to find a bunch of girls having a bridal shower at my place of peace. By some cruel twist of fate, these women had forgotten to pack a stripper. I didn’t think anyone noticed the missing item until they uncorked the wine. So here I was, trying to inhale as much of the country air as I could, only for my peace to be booted clean into orbit by a bunch of starved, pulsating women. Life is so brutal. If this had happened 10 years earlier, I would have probably have been down on my knees thanking the mother of providence. Here was a multi-racial assembly of six women out in the wild and they had decided that I was the chosen one to be their stripper.
Thank goodness I had enough sense to realize that undressing for six deprived women, twenty minutes away from the nearest human settlement is not man’s greatest fantasy. I did not fancy being yanked, tugged, pulled, wrenched, scratched, clawed and end up leaving the scene of transgression feeling like I had harvested an acre of cassavas on a hangover.
The games they play these days are big league. Take George for example. He met this woman, who he thought was perfect. From day one it was romance at a sizzling point and after one weekend of unbridled passion, Georgie Porgy believed he had found love. She promised to call him the following day but didn’t. The following weekend, the excuse was that she was held up. Every time she promised to meet him, something always cropped up. Georgie couldn’t take it, so he confronted her. Wrong move. She asked him to show the wedding ring and marriage certificate and then called security.
George was devastated, and we are talking about a thirty-something, ex-rugby prop, who can open beer bottles with his teeth. A few days later, she was overheard telling a bunch of her friends who enquired about her latest catch; “He had a great body, but he had to go and fall in love with me. What is wrong with men these days?”
Well, let me try and explain. For half a century, guys were accused of being cold, heartless brutes. They also complained about the toilet seat. So, in order to foster peaceful co-existence, we remembered to drop the toilet seat and went through cold turkey sessions in search of this supposedly feminine side. No prize for guessing who is having the last laugh on this one. Women realized that the men they love never look in their direction and since they are bent on pricking the attention of these special few, everyone else is treated with the efficient, rapid disposal of an airline lavatory.
I need to tell you about Charlie as well. Charlie is a serial romantic, which means he falls in love with every woman who tells him his dimples are cute. The last girl he had was an interesting study. I told my friend from first glance that the woman wasn’t a keeper but Charlie’s thinking tends to be a bit clouded when he is infatuated. The first telltale sign was this. A former, ex or is it estranged boyfriend (you never know these days) called while she was nestling in Charlie’s arms. The woman lied without a break in breath about her location as she caressed his thigh. Foolish Charlie thought it proved how important he was in her life.
I, on the other hand, spotted a shameless liar. It is obviously something she had practiced to perfection. It wasn’t long before my buddy was on the receiving end, soon realizing that, “I am stuck in traffic” was the codeword for hanky panky. Needless to say, Charlie is back to singledom. These are just a few examples of how rapidly the script has changed.
Karma walks in
Indeed the sins of yesterday always catch up with you in this life. This is what we get for calling women fat, ugly, lousy, old-fashioned and spending too much time in dingy bars watching soccer over beers served by women who call us, “Mzee”.
In many ways, I fully agree with what my mate Evans once uttered in a rare moment of alcohol-inspired wisdom, “Never go out with a woman who doesn’t have a fixed-line. You will never be able to ascertain her whereabouts”.
Every time, I get an email from a woman complaining about some two-faced lying bastard, I always pull one right back. If roles could be reversed, they would grasp that “You haven’t seen anything yet until you try dating women.” I tell you most of the whinging lot would rush back to their spouses and cook them dinners till death do them apart.
Either way, I think things are changing a little too fast for me, and I was hoping women would have more sense than to travel down a dead road. We all know two wrongs don’t make a right. Infidelity may be fashionable but just like bell bottoms went out of style before our jeans got faded, sex can become stale.
Here’s a very good article that helps you to spy on your partner.