Finding Berlin again (Update)

It has been a couple of weeks now since wrote my post titled I lost Berlin, and let Satan win and made the decision to find myself again. My soul searching led me to deciding to find myself again and regain my confidence in myself. I just wanted to write a quick update on how that has been going. I have some goals that I listed in my post in order to help me keep my mind in check. So here’s a little update on each one of them and how they have been going.

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Listed Goal:

1.Not care what people think of me

This weekend I had the opportunity to go to two different events which included spending time with people from church. Usually during conversations among women I try to keep to myself and chime in as little as possible, but not this time! I made an effort to speak freely, engage in conversation and toss a few jokes in there, Which also included goal number 2. I have a habit of worrying that people will think badly of me for stating my opinion, which I let go this weekend and was willing to take a little bit of a lead when helping a friend move.

2. Not caring if people judge me

This included in the above section about being judged by what I say. (This is not to be confused with just saying whatever is in my head whether it’s the time or place or not and just blurting things out. I still believe very strongly in thinking before you speak, therefore if I have thought about it and am sure that it’s ok to say, then Hakuna Matata, right!

3. Wear clothes that are a little bit out there, and not care what anything thinks

Well, I haven’t worn them yet…but I did buy 2 new pairs of yoga pants, one in brown, the other in plum, which is a step in the right direction from my 15 pairs of black yoga pants. Now if I could only buy some normal people street clothes.

4. Not replying

I won’t replay conversations through my head and wonder if someone thought I was silly, stupid, or immature: If I continue to follow number 2, then there’s nothing to worry about!

5. Let go All Negativity

I will let go of all negative thoughts about myself, my body, my imperfections, my life, my home, my family, my career and others: This is one of the biggest things I feel that I have improved on so far. To start, I let my husband take the scale out of the upstairs bathroom. I never realized how obsessed with that thing I was. In doing so I have found myself thinking about my weight less and my health more. I have also made an effort to correct myself if I start to think a negative thought about my image. This morning I even put on an outfit, looked in the mirror and though “this shirt looks terrible, I’m too pasty”. Then I asked my husband how it looked, he said “It looks good, I like that shirt”…and guess what….I didn’t even change. 1 wardrobe change and out the door! I also decided to do very little housework over the weekend. I had a really long week and didn’t get much sleep so I decided to let the extra housework be until Monday without telling myself I am a bad housewife =]

6. Reflection

I will look in the mirror and I will tell myself I am beautiful, I will let go of the criticism and thoughts of hatred toward myself: Any time I found myself looking in the mirror criticizing my body, my acne, my frizzy hair, my lack of tan, I tried to follow is up with a complement or correction. “It’s the end of the night, your hair is frizzy, so what?” Your acne has improved and will continue to as long as you keep eating well”, ” You may not love your body, but you do like your green eyes, the shape of your lips and your curly hair that most girls would die for at least that’s what people tell me)”.

7. Love myself

will love myself, my body and my life because this is The Perfect Life For Me!:I think the list above covers how I have been working to improve this overall. My thoughts are improving, and in doing so I’m sure my body and image will as well. Being able to go out and buy some clothes without kicking myself was a great start.

One more thing I have been working on is not regretting. especially when it comes to food. Whether it be a piece of pizza, a sugary treat, or just an extra rice cake. I am finding that if I chose ahead of time to not regret what I eat, I end up not eating the amount, or the food I plan to eat. It’s like “Well, If I’m not aloud to regret it then I might as well not even eat it.” How that made sense in my head is beyond me, but it works to help me make healthier decision when it comes to nutrition.

So there it is. I am still a big work in progress, but the plus side is exactly that, I’m working for progress, and it’s happening.